Drea Kelly Comes to OU

"I am cracked, I am not broken" - Drea Kelly

This past Thursday, October 24th, I had the privilege of attending an event hosted by Drea Kelly called "Creating Public Awareness to End Domestic Violence".

Andrea (Drea) Kelly is the ex-wife of R&B Superstar (and sicko) R. Kelly. So, as you can imagine, she has definitely been through a lot of abuse of all forms.

I had recently just finished watching the Netflix series "Surviving R. Kelly" when I heard that Drea was coming to Ohio University to present. So, obviously, I had to attend and drag everyone I could to go with me. I can really say though, that I am glad that I could attend.

Drea discussed her healing process along with warning signs of abuse and learned behaviors by being in that kind of relationship. I liked that this was the focus of her talk rather than her telling her story and bashing R. Kelly. While she has every right to do that, I think it was much more productive and motivating to hear more of what she did actually present.

When I got to the event, I was not sure what to expect; all I knew was that I was ready to be moved, and I was.

Something that I found interesting that Drea first brought up was the reason why she keeps Kelly's last name. I guess many people have thought this was strange or stupid to keep the last name of your abuser, but she justifies it very well. She explains that without her last name being Kelly, she would just be another black woman from the South side of Chicago that no one would pay attention to. Even when watching "Surviving R.Kelly" we see that not many of the women on it are memorable and many people online claim that they are just fans who either want fame or money. It's quite ridiculous but that is the sad reality. The last name Kelly makes people recognize her, gives her credibility, and gives her a platform. Drea says "So yes, I will keep this name until the day I die, because it is the voice for the voiceless, the power for the powerless, and it gets shit done". This caused much applause and cheering, from myself included.

Also something that stood out to me was when she started to talk about marriage. She explains that when people get married they vow "to death do us part"... here's what she has to say about that:

"Um, excuse me, I don't remember anywhere that it says you get to be the death of me, there's a difference. Because to death do us part means that we're going to go through this thing together, we are doing this together, we are going to love each other, I'm going to love you the way you love me and you're going to love me the way I love you and we're in this thing together. Nowhere in there did it say 'and you get to be the death of me, you get to be abusive' and I'm just going to ride this thing out. 'Cause you know, we like to teach women "Ride or Die". Honey, she gonna walk and live, I'm good".

I like that Drea brings this up because I think that while our generation is becoming more open minded, a lot of people still do not believe in the idea of divorce because you make vows to God. But, she is right. How far is too far? How much is too much? Is a marriage worth it if you are not happy? If you are being abused?

Drea says "Everybody tells me 'well that's what a good woman does, she stands by his side', not her! But I did for a very long time because I had society making me feel badly about choosing me.They teach us women, get the man, the knight in shining armor, pay the bills, you shouldn't want for nothing. Then people have the audacity to turn on me like 'what are you complaining for, like I would give my right arm if I didn't have to work, oh my god, like, you don't have to work'. I'd rather work and be happy than have Channel and Gucci down and having to limp every day." This is very powerful.

While it may be true that your abuser, man or woman, may be nice sometimes or give you gifts, it doesn't mean they are not abusive. It does not justify their wrongdoings.

It is difficult for me to sum up Drea's talk because it was lengthy and so powerful. If you ever have the opportunity to listen to her or even watch her online, I highly suggest that. She is a strong survivor and now advocate and role model to many. I am thankful that I got to have this experience.

xoxo,

Mia

---

Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Rape, Abuse, and Incest Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE